Ebony : Popular categories

Our black lesbian superhero is Anissa aka Thunder. I was a workaholic, but it paid off. A couple of weeks ago he popped up in my Memories on Facebook.

For both women all that matters is love. I had never felt this way before. We had the ceiling fan going causing the wind chimes in the corner of the room to tinkle, while I grasped the headboard trying to both hold myself up as my legs threatened to collapse and keep the headboard from banging against the wall when I would shift my weight. I selected woman seeking woman.

Ebony : Popular categories - A narcissist will start to focus in on your flaws real or imagined.

Written by Renée Best Renee, 58, and Angelle, 56, of North Bergen, N. Officially our anniversary is October 14, 2016. We talked all night long! Angelle loves Renée butch badness and her extremely big heart. How We Got Past … The drama about us getting together by people who knew us both. They said I broke the friendship code by dating Angelle. Also when we met, she lived in Los Angeles, and I lived in New Jersey. She had never lived any other place away from family, kids, and grands. We solved that challenge though. Angelle gave up everything familiar and moved East in the dead of winter to take a chance on love! The lovebirds will be married this coming October. Written by DAnn If you have ever been in an intimate relationship and discovered the person you loved was not who she pretended to be, perhaps you have already experienced loving a narcissist. A narcissist comes into your life because she is seeking a SOURCE to supply her with the love and admiration she needs to survive. She may appear to offer you love, but she is indeed coming to take, and once she has finished with you she moves on to the next source. A narcissist or someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder is grandiose, with an exaggerated sense of importance, self-centered, and entirely lacking in empathy for others. A good narcissist can be charming and charismatic. She is a skilled manipulator with years of experience. She probably does not identify herself as a narcissist, because this is who she has always been. She does not recognize her dysfunction and does not care that her behavior causes pain for the women who love her. But the one thing you can be sure of is a narcissist will show up in a package that appeals to you. She may be a beautiful femme who floats into your life with an exotic perfume that fills up your senses night and day. Princess Charming may be a narcissist in disguise, who is really offering you a rough ride to hell and back. The Games Narcissists Play When I met my narcissist-ex on a dating app, we spent our early dates dining out and talking for hours. She may, in fact, believe she is a kind, caring person. Mirroring reinforces the belief that you have met a kindred spirit, but please be aware that the woman in the mirror is not who she seems to be. The Three Stages of a Narcissist A narcissist is not going to identify herself, but there are signs you can look for. A relationship with a narcissist usually unfolds in three stages: First, comes the love bombing stage. She will overwhelm you with love and affection. She will wine and dine you, buy expensive gifts, and be attentive to your every need. The Second stage is the devaluation stage. A narcissist will start to focus in on your flaws real or imagined. If you start to pull away, she stretches out her sticky tentacles and pulls you back with more love bombing. The push and pull dynamic will go on until she decides she is done with you. In the Third stage, the narcissist will discard you. This can happen gradually or abruptly, but a narcissist will almost certainly disappear from your life. The disappearance may not be permanent, but it will be brutal. I was shocked; I never expected her to abandon me while I was battling cancer and needed her support. Eventually, my ex disappeared, and I never heard from her again. I was stuck in a grief cycle for many months, even though I realized I was grieving for a woman and a love that never really existed. Sometimes the intense sadness would swallow me whole and leave me gasping for breath, and then fierce anger would come over me like a raging fire. But gradually, I started to heal. I realized the person I loved was not capable of loving me back. God brought the right people into my life to support me, and I started to build a new relationship with myself. My journey is not over, but I am looking forward to what comes next. The first step in your recovery is understanding who you were in a relationship with. The hard truth is: the one you fell in love with is not real. She studied you until she knew your heart, and then pretended to be the woman of your desires and dreams. She created a mirror reflection of your goodness and the abundant love you offer to those who stand in your light. Beloved, you are all the love you need. You may decide to include a therapist or life coach in your network. This is a time when you need people in your life who will reinforce the truth of who you are. DAnn is a writer living in Baltimore, who is in recovery from loving a narcissist and looking forward to her next adventure in life. She is a member of Spiritually in-tuned Lesbians SiLhouettes meet-up group, where she fellowships with other sisters who are seeking to stand in the truth of who they are. I hear that all the time as the reason why I need to change my mind about never wanting to date a new lesbian. Some women may find that fun, but not me. Some of the lesbians who pride themselves on turning other women out are immature and only interested in the sexual conquest. Love and lovingly helping someone adapt to this lifestyle is the farthest thing from their minds. Trust me; there is nothing better or more soul snatching than that first time you realize that the physical connection with another woman is unlike anything else in the world. But get this, sex is only one step in the journey. For me, I need and already have a partner, who is sure of what this journey involves and is sure she wants it all. Rejection and shame from their family. Rejection and shame from their friends. Rejection and shame from their workplace. Rejection, shame and few protections from your government. READ: I was Terrible to My First Girlfriend Photo by Matthew Kwong Even though I knew I loved women since I was five years old, I only had my first lesbian relationship 11 years ago. I was 27 years old when I met the woman who would become my first girlfriend. At the time I was working in a church and dealing with my very traditional Jamaican family. It was an exciting, scary and emotional experience. I kept my partner a secret for three years. I lived in fear of being found out and losing my job, my family and my friends. The secrecy and fear was one of many things that ultimately tore my first relationship apart. Living a Double Life Photo by Rachel Pfuetzner One of the things that stuck with me was that I was living a double life. With some friends, I was out. I still to this day have one very queer-friendly church buddy who is still mad at me that I came out to her much later than I did to everyone else. I reluctantly came out to my family. I remember my mother asking me if my girlfriend and I were just roommates. Even after I told her, she was in denial and kept hoping I would find a nice man. I Repeatedly Abandoned My Ex Photo by Ian Dooley I remember going to church and hearing sermons against same-sex relationships. After hearing those sermons, I would sometimes feel so guilty that I would go home and break up with my girlfriend. That kind of flip-flopping was tough on her and tough on our relationship. I had already made plans to have dinner with my family in her absence. I was so anxious, worried and frankly ashamed that she would out me that I went to dinner with my family and left her at home by herself. Last year during the Christmas holidays, I had a live Facebook Live broadcast where one woman told us, her wife of 10 years still leaves her at home to have holiday dinners with her family. The woman was alone on a major holiday because her wife thought it was okay for them to get married in name but not in spirit. At a certain age, I require a woman who knows who she is. No shade to women who come out late. I came out late. I was mostly closeted until maybe four years ago. All humans have their challenges and baggage. It took me such a long freaking time to accept myself, and I believe that I deserve the kind of love where we are both truly committed. I know many lesbians who have no interest in being your first or even dating a closeted woman. I also know many who would love to be your first. The lesbians who feel the same as I do welcome you to our community with open arms and are happy to advise you as a friend. Most likely you already met the woman who shook up your world and gave you the courage to come to terms with who you really are. Four of those photos featured the intensity, passion, love and adoration of black lesbians in love. Additionally, the magazine created several different covers. And the images reflecting the sheer joy of black lesbians in love, were featured on several covers! We are so excited to see our love featured in such a major publication. Here are the pics! This slideshow requires JavaScript. Models: Ari Fitz and Christine Ting embrace. Written by Neece Parish I grew up in the church where I was taught clearly defined gender roles and rules for sexuality. I dated boys, then men; never really satisfied with relationships or the sex. I can recall a few times other folks asking me if I was a lesbian. I always said no without hesitation or second thought. I Tried Porn I thought maybe my discomfort came from inexperience so I started watching porn. My first experience was at 38 and involved a former coworker who I had been friends with for about 8 years at that point. I had a crush on her early in our friendship but was too shy to admit that. I was still married but had been abstaining from sex for almost eight years. She had recently divorced her wife of six years when we reconnected. The Sleep Over Upon reconnecting, we started talking frequently. I invited her to a group sleepover. She was a former bartender. She knew what I liked and made sure to buy the supplies to keep them coming all night. There had been some casual flirtation and I jokingly commented that I was a horny drunk so she should get her own room rather than bunk with me. After about 10 minutes of back and forth I told her that if she wanted to talk she should just come to my room and talk. I Struggled to Keep Quiet The flirtation quickly escalated into kissing. I was drunk and horny so I obliged. I attempted to play with her beautiful large breasts but she asked me not to. Once her magic tongue started working I struggled to keep quiet. Eight years is a long time to not be touched. We had the ceiling fan going causing the wind chimes in the corner of the room to tinkle, while I grasped the headboard trying to both hold myself up as my legs threatened to collapse and keep the headboard from banging against the wall when I would shift my weight. I was afraid that I would suffocate her until she hit the right spot, then I was afraid that I would drown her. That she was in the early stages of transitioning to male. The effects of the alcohol quickly faded. We talked for a while about her impending changes. She told me how longed to remove her breasts, and showed the way she wanted to style her hair, the name she had picked out to use, etc. I listened and supportively chimed in. Then we spent the rest of the night alternating between sleep and sex. Was I Attracted to Her or The Inner Him? I really liked this person who was currently female but soon to be male. Was I attracted to her or the inner him? We dated for 2 weeks. She called me every morning, afternoon during lunch, evening on the drive home, and before bed. She sent me details of her dream Harry Potter themed wedding. Talked about how we should honeymoon on a cruise. Had me try on a wedding band she had already bought that happened to be in my favorite fandom. She knew that I loved Doctor Who. Said that I stressed her out. A couple of weeks ago he popped up in my Memories on Facebook. He is now male, has been on testosterone for over a year and had a double mastectomy. My Husband Was The Happiest I Had Seen Him After that experience I talked to my husband about the state of our relationship or rather cohabitation. When I suggested that we get divorced it was the happiest that I had seen him since the day our daughter was born. Three weeks later he walked out the door with only what he could fit in his car and drove to his new apartment. I Selected Woman Seeking Woman After five months a friend urged me to try online dating. I selected woman seeking woman. I talked with a few women. One in particular seemed promising. We had long talks about our day. We talked for a couple of weeks and then made plans to meet in person. I deleted the app. I Was Late to Church A few weeks later I reinstalled it and looked through my messages. There had been another lady who I was talking to that I thought was a good possible weight loss accountability partner. I followed up to see how her weight loss was going. After a few weeks we meet up at a group run. The chemistry was undeniable. We both showed up early. Talked before the group run, during the run, and for about another 30 minutes after the run. I was late to church and before the day was over we had a least one date planned for every weekend for the rest of the month. We dated for 8 months before the communication difficulties became intolerable. Their fondness for BDSM has pushed my boundaries and helped me tap into parts of myself that I never knew existed. However, that feeling that something was missing or not right has disappeared. Written by Shy Williams My worst nightmare has come true. We were no longer a couple. I am now alone in our two-bedroom apartment. That is the worst feeling ever. To feel heartbroken over a relationship ending is one thing, but to feel like your children have been taken away from you, is another level of pain. The grief is real for me right now and honestly, I do not know what to do with all I am feeling. Legally, I have No Rights to Them No, I did not carry and birth my son and daughter but does that make me less of a parent? I am up with them when they are sick, and I bust my ass for them to have a roof over their heads and clothes on their backs. I pray for their day-to-day safety and pour every inch of love I have into them. The fear is real because legally I have no rights to them. My rights are all moral, and that will never stand up in the court of law. If I could adopt them, I would, but their father still has parental rights. Our Children Are My Weakness I am so frustrated, confused, and depressed. I have to see my babies on her time and terms. She says I can see them on my day off but after seeing them every day, a few hours feels like a few seconds. I mostly feel fearful. I feel like at any moment she can say, fuck the bond that has been built. I feel like if I move on she can use our kids as leverage. When a person knows your weakness they will use it, well our children are my weakness. So many nights I cried but still got up and went to work depressed. I completely let myself go. Living my entire life in fear when it comes to my children is no way to live. She Kept Her Promise Those fears were from two years ago when my ex and I broke up. I wrote down my fears and my grief in my diary. My son is now nine, and my daughter is two. My ex kept her promise of allowing me to see the children. We have gotten into very heated disputes, but now we co-parent very well. I see my babies every day. We work our schedules around it. I work during the day, and she works overnight. I Pay Child Support My ex takes great care of the children on her own, but she honestly makes so many sacrifices. So yes, I contribute financially. I think of it as a form of child support. Regardless of the fact that I have no legal rights to them, I told her when she was pregnant with our daughter, that I would always be there for them physically, emotionally and financially no matter our outcome. We are now discussing her will and what will happen to the children in case something happens to me. Not every woman is supportive of her partner, especially a stud who is a non-birth parent, keeping ties with the children of her ex. There is almost this expectation that studs should move on after the relationship is over. In life, we only have our word to stand on. Although I love my children, there is still something missing from my life. This experience has made me want to birth my own child even more. We do not know the name of the family pictured. Those of us, who are in a good place in our lives got there by overcoming a great deal and making good choices along the way. So when you come at a woman like me, you need to recognize that you cannot try to change me into your puppet. She was all About Control In one relationship, my partner wanted to control things that were important to her and gave little consideration to my feelings. For example, she ran all of the social events that dealt with other people. She had a control issues and often treated me like I was her child telling me when to put on a coat or wear slippers! I was seldom allowed an opinion; although I would still express them. Small Things Lead to Big Things I would jokingly call her a bully but I realize now that she truly was. She has many great qualities but I allowed them to cloud my view of the situation I was allowing. Victims of bullying have to remember that the small things lead to big things. Even small concessions can lead to larger ones. Trying to appease that person can become problematic because you might find yourself isolated from your friends and social situations that you enjoy. The sad part is that woman is probably not willing to do the same for you. Yes, bullying is an ego and self-esteem conflict. Here are some tips on how to recognize if you or your partner is a bully and how to deal with it: 1 Bullies feel they must assert their way, ideas and belittle those who have a different view. If your partner belittles you in front of others that is a clear sign that she lacks respect for you. Soon those behaviors become more aggressive and at times physical. If your partner cannot accept that, she may be a bully. You already have parents, find someone who is interested in being a partner. The bully needs to realize that theirs is not the only opinion that counts and everything does not have to be their way. Often bullying occurs because the person feels something is lacking in the other parts of their life. Instead of addressing the real issue they try to take control of an issue they can get away with. If you are feeling bullied, you probably are! Written by Teressa Wilson I met my wife LaTasha on an online dating app back in 2013. The app indicated that we were 90 percent compatible. Her profile picture was so cute that I developed a crush. When she finally responded, we began to talk. Our First Date After talking on the phone for about two weeks, we mutually agreed we wanted to meet each other in person. Our first date was at a local restaurant. We became official on June 21, 2013, the first day of summer. So when we got married, on June 21, 17 it had to be the first day of summer! We use to joke that we were just supposed to be summer love. Of course, we lasted more than the summer. I Knew she was Special When I was going through a tough time mentally with my self-esteem and confidence. She was there to push me and support me in whatever I needed to do to feel better. And she loves me no matter what. What I Love About My Wife LaTasha shows her pride with rainbow detail on the back of her dress and in her bouquet. For our wedding, our officiant asked us to write five reasons we wanted to marry each other. Then on our wedding day, she told us what the other said. It was so crazy to me that three of our answers were pretty much identical. We enjoy the simple things in life like traveling and just relaxing. We can have fun doing nothing at all. Just being in each others presence is enough. We like to laugh together. One of us is always saying something crazy or making jokes. Why We Got Married We wanted to get married to commit ourselves to one another in front of our friends, family, and God. We want to be treated like every other married couple and have the same legal rights as well. Our Wedding Day We had the most amazing wedding day, but I am sure everyone says that. We decided to have a small ceremony with 20 guests in an outdoor garden. I must say the most memorable part of that day was the feeling of joy. Each of our sons walked us down the aisle. She went first and then my son, and I went next. When I reached the point where we were face to face and our eyes connected, it was like no one else was in the room. I became like a shy teenager seeing her crush in the school hallways. I fell in love all over again. Throughout our ceremony, the prayers, the vows and the song her sister sang to us, I looked at her with adoration. She was so beautiful to me, and she made me feel beautiful as well. Not mention I loved my dress with the rainbow corset. That was incredible as well. To celebrate with so many of our family and friends and have a good time. How We Got Past … We both had issues with communication in our past relationships. So when we come to a point when we have a disagreement or an issue, we take a moment and then really sit down and talk about it and remember that talking is key. Expressing our feelings and emotions at all times is important to us. Included, Not Just Tolerated Siobhan Brooks created the first black LGBT course at Cal State Fullerton. Do plus size black lesbians have a harder time dating and mating? We at Black Lesbian Love Lab have heard from women who have said that they have been friend zoned or considered less sexy because of their size. None of these things are true about me and so many other plus-sized women I know. I am confident, accomplished, hard-working, healthy physically and mentally. Once I became 100% ok with myself women were drawn to me like magnets. Not Saying Size Makes You Healthy, But … Follow model at saucyewestplusmodel. I absolutely see the advantages of my new size. I had a bad experience once and swore off anyone bigger than me. Then my boo came along and she has made me appreciate those plus sized women who value their appearance, hygiene, and self-worth. I always stayed booked. I love to shock them. They expect me to have a low self-esteem and to sit in a corner and not be noticed. I am loud and proud. I love to dance and I am the first to hit the floor. I have learned to be sexy, stylish, beautiful in my body. I naturally draw people to me with my personality and outrageous choice of non-polite conversation. I have learned not to be around those type of people that hold such little regard for me. READ: What do you think plus sized beauties? Join the conversation on or comment below. Our black lesbian superhero is Anissa aka Thunder. In the very we meet the black woman that Anissa has been seeing for a year. The Relationship Talk Chenoa says although she loves the sex, she wants more! She wants Anissa to meet her parents and her friends and become more involved in her life like a real couple. As if there is not enough for black lesbians to be excited about, in this episode we are gifted with a sexy scene between the two on primetime NETWORK TV. As if this is the most natural thing in the world—and it IS. Black women loving and making love to other black women is normal and natural and happens in millions of households around the world. Seeing and hearing these two melanin queens caress and kiss and moan on television is groundbreaking! Those of us who have spent time between the sheets with another black woman can already tell you about the magic of our lovemaking. We already know that our women are superheroes. Check out the scene that made this black lesbian swoon. They will be focusing on telling a layered story where her sexuality is not portrayed as some oddity. This story line is an amazing advancement considering that for many years, black superheroes were very rarely portrayed on screen and black lesbian superheroes even less. Have you watched the show? What do you think ladies? Anyone who really thinks that masculine women are 100 percent rough 100 percent of the time must have never dated a stud. For those of us who love masculine black lesbians, what we love most about them is their tender and sweet sides. We recently asked studs in our Facebook community to share pictures of themselves with their kids. We were not prepared for the flood of pictures we got! I cannot describe how melty and teary eyed I got looking at these beautiful family photos. Folks proudly shared pics of their wives and girlfriends with their children, stepchildren, cousins, godchildren, nieces and nephews. The love we saw was clear and amazing! We gathered all the photos and placed 59 pics in this video for you to see. Be prepared to be all up in your feelings. You already know, black lesbian families matter so much to us! Enjoy the video and please share it! Ladies, stop sharing your dreams with temporary people. There are women out there who are severely mentally ill or deranged. It gives them a rush to manipulate you and give you hope and make you dream of something they have no intention of giving you. We rush, rush, rush everything due to a combination of friendship, societal disapproval, the forbidden nature of a same-sex attraction and intense sexual activity. On top of that, we belong to a culture where we work so hard to separate emotion and sex but yet claim to want to be in relationships. What sense does that make? No wonder we end up getting played. Folks are out there pretending they want love so that they can have sex while others are out there accepting sex when all they want is love. Family is not a game. But, either way, there are a bunch of games being played. Realationships Involve Struggle Do me and my partner struggle sometimes? Of course, we do! But I hang in there with her because she hangs in there with me. But her sincere heart, honesty, and commitment is part of what made me fall in love with her. These character traits are sexy as hell. She was honest about her weaknesses and shortcomings. We risked turning each other off with our truths because we did not have it in us for another heartbreak or roller coaster. Let me speak for myself. I did not have it in me to invest all of me into another train wreck. I wanted a real connection and commitment, or I wanted to be left the hell alone. Friendship is ALWAYS a viable option and should be a precursor to any serious relationship. Or we get physical with someone and tell ourselves that it will turn into more. We have to stop letting life happen to us. We are all equipped with the power to make our own decisions. Know who you are, be honest about what you want and then DECIDE. Playing the victim is a lazy way of avoiding responsibility for your decisions. Now, back to rushing into fake relationships with predators. Predators can sense when you are desperate and afraid of being alone, and they know what to say and do to get you hyped and excited. They know how to break down your defenses and get you excited over something that they cannot give you. It sounds cruel, but seriously, what was this woman doing before you met her? Plus, this is a great time to see how she deals with stressful situations and emotional triggers. Observe, be honest with yourself and then decide if you want to take it further. A lot of women have this inbuilt sympathetic, caretaker button that predators know exactly how to push. When stop making your self-love a priority and rely on her instead for constant validation, then you are in danger girl. Starting a meaningful relationship should involve mindfulness and forethought. The psychological damage caused by a careless partner can impact you for years. Black Lesbian Love Lab is having a 50 percent off sale on the first month of our private membership! So, how do you minimize setting yourself up for heartbreak? You are an independent being who has to survive and function in a way that nurtures YOU. Make it clear to her that you are choosy about letting her all the way in. Sometimes we are wayyy too available. Go on a friend date. Go on a date with your favorite aunt. Focus on your hobbies, on school, on volunteering, on your side business or your favorite TV show. Why should you give up your Game of Thrones watch party? You have no business spending seven days a week with someone you just met. And have a plan for how you want to address them. Ease up on naming all five kids. Give it at least six months of her being consistent and kind before you start integrating her into your life. I dated someone like this, who told me what she thought I wanted to hear to make it easier just to have sex with me. So, pro-tip, watch to see if her actions match her words. Let her know you are not the one by calling her on her shit and upholding your standards not lowering yours to let her into your life. There are some folks who can have sex without getting emotionally involved. But there are many, many terrible relationships that are kept on sexual life support. Sex lights up the pleasure and addictive centers in the brain and creates a bond that can be hard to break. The two sports fans were in the middle of a sports-themed photo shoot with their photographer, Latashia Gorden, when Raven got down on one knee! Watch the video below to see the proposal! Video courtesy of One Roof Productions and Tira Johnson Media I am a chef. I built my business and my brand over the course of 10+ years. I worked hard and sacrificed a lot. I did a lot of free work. I was a workaholic, but it paid off. I paid my dues, and now my logo and my name are recognized in the queer people of color community. Over the years, I have dated my fair share of highly educated women. But, whenever I have been interested in women with maybe a high school education, they tell me I am out of their league. I will date a blue-collar worker and a doctor. I am not biased in the least. But, often some studs feel intimidated by my little bit of education and my social status as a chef. I had a really good relationship with a woman who was about seven years younger than me. One evening, after dating for about five months, we went out to an event I was hosting, and she worked as my assistant. Everything was fine, and she had a great time and watched me work my magic. She said she was proud of me. My girlfriend got furious. She said she felt disrespected and that she wants a night where I am not in chef mode. The final straw for her came a month later when we were out, and yet another woman pulled me aside. We were discussing me attending the French Pastry School in Chicago to officially pursue my pastry degree. My Girlfriend Dumped Me She worked for the school and when she saw me, took the opportunity to introduce herself and offered to be my mentor. My girlfriend dumped me. Her reasons were that I was too educated for her, too recognizable and never had enough time for her. She worried that I would leave her in the dust and find another woman closer to my education and career status. She would ask why I was dating a high school dropout with no money and no goals. I Wanted to Support Her and Help Build Her Career Well, in hindsight, I question myself now too. I wanted to support her in getting her GED, going to college, building her career and enjoying her life with me. It turns out this was not just a one-off experience. Once again, I hear the excuse that I am too educated, or too career minded. Women are asking me why I would date someone who makes less than me etc. I Have No Problem Being Proud of Me Yes, I can hold my own in conversations. Yes, I like to be on the up-and-up on politics. Yes, I make good money. Yes, I serve my community and give back to charity. I earned all of this, and I see no problem in being proud of me. Maybe I should look in another dating pool. Maybe I should just not date altogether. It was a tough one, but those ladies rose to the challenge like the bosses they are! Besides, broke sistas or sistas that are saving for that wedding and a house, need a lil love too. Check out these awesome, inexpensive dates that are all kinds of chill, romantic and inventive with plenty of getting to know you time. These ideas would be great for a first or second date or 50th date. Throw blankets, container of hot chai, two mugs, bagels and snacks, her favorite book, my favorite book. We bookmark the most meaningful pages and read to one another. Picnic in the park after our ride. Set up a tent in my backyard, pillows and throws inside. A few outside so we can see the stars if wanted. A gift of a crystal or two, we can discuss the significance of. Conversation in the prone position, occasional touches, lots of laughter and deep sighs. I may have change left back. Set up an outside movie with projector, throw blanket, candles and pillows all I already have. Then we will head to the District Winery for a light wine tasting. Go back to my place to enjoy the sunset and city views. Some wine and a dessert. I would grab some chairs out the garage and a couple throws just in case we are cuddling listening to the jazz. I call you to ask you on an 24-hour date and tell you to shower and dress warm but comfortable with sneakers in mind and to grab your favorite romance novel. I would pack some fruit, veggies, salmon, eggs, and sausage from my fridge in my cooler, grab the coffee, and a bottle of apple crown that I have at home. Load up items and strap my tandem kayak on top of my truck. Pick you up at 3:30 p. Park, unload and strap our supplies on the kayak. Help you in the front seat because I need you to have the best view of nature and push us off to paddle to our spot. Unload and start a fire. We pitch the tent together. You find a romantic movie to watch using my hotspot of course on the laptop while I prepare our salmon and veggie meal. You pour us some apple crown and we dine while watching the movie. After the movie we clean up our dishes and I ask you pick your favorite chapters of your novel. As we lay in the sleeping bag, I read that chapters to you. Next morning you wake up to breakfast ready to eat. We break down our little camp, pack and strap everything on the kayak and paddle back. Load up the truck and drive back 2. Drop you off, kiss kiss which ends our 24 hour date. We meet at the beach for a picnic as we watch the sun set. White wine sangria with frozen grapes floating in the iced, decorative bottle. Ride around looking at Christmas decorations. Come back home to a dinner cooked by moi because I have every thing in the pantry or fridge and can cook Change into PJs and snuggle while watching holiday movies. Comment below with your cheap date secrets. This past summer, Pastor Twanna Brown and Pastor Vanessa Gause consecrated their love before God and 200 guests at the New Vision Full Gospel Baptist Church in East Orange, N. Twanna, 46, and Vanessa, 45, are pastors of Rivers of Living Water United Church of Christ, which has locations in Newark and New York. Love At First Sight Their love story started nearly 30 years ago when both were teenagers singing in the same choir in Jersey City. My head was just spinning. Enduring Love Pastors Vanessa and Twanna married on August 24, 2017. In 2005 the two reconnected when Twanna invited Vanessa to preach at a church in Harlem where she was ministering. It was after dinner and a night of reminiscing when they shared their first kiss. For both women all that matters is love. And that was reflected in their wedding ceremony. Yvette Flunder, the presiding bishop of the Fellowship of Affirming Ministries, from 1 Corinthians 13 during their ceremony. Love Wins Pastors Twanna and Vanessa share a dance. Love was winning before we got married, Love won on our wedding day and Love will always win. Congratulations to DeWanna Bonner and Candice Dupree! The WNBA players just became new moms to twin girls! The couple met as teammates while playing for the Phoenix Mercury back in 2010. It took them less than a week to realize they were meant to be more than friends. Candice and DeWanna will juggle motherhood and a unique career in basketball where they travel nationally and internationally each year. The new moms will both return to basketball next WNBA season. Written by Zamara Perri No matter how much you love each other, there will be times when your girlfriend, wife or partner will pluck your very last nerve. When you start having doubts, it may seem like the best thing to do is just to let go. Sometimes it is, and you should just end it. Sometimes the break can cause more problems than an official break up. But if you insist on taking a break, these are the 10 tough questions you need to answer before you make it official: 1 Are you willing to talk and negotiate? If neither of you is at a place where you can even talk, then taking a break is just another word for pre-break up. A break requires mutual conversations and boundary setting. Is it because she irritates the hell out of you? Is the relationship emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually unsafe? Is it yours or hers? Be honest, do you just want to date other women? By the way, the grass is almost never greener. Take a look at that. Instead of focusing on the details of your fights, look for themes. Most disagreements have several root causes: fear, mistrust, and control issues. Look at resolving those things instead of trying to win a fight. Do you win a prize? It can help to get a fresh, outside perspective. Getting help is okay. Why or why not? This is one of the common challenges with taking a break. People pretend they want to break up, but still, want to act like they are together. Have a very raw and honest conversation with each other. Does she need to call you every day? Does she need to report on her dating activities? Can she have sex with others? Anything longer than three months requires a come to Jesus moment. You may need to face the reality that you just want to be single. Some folks need to take time to work on themselves so they can be better for a brand new relationship later on down the road. Is she the one? Do you truly love her? Are you ready to risk losing the relationship for good? Taking a break is a risk. Once you take a break, you are opening up the doors to other possibilities. In reality, when you break up or take a break, that person is essentially single. What do you do at the end of two weeks or two months or however long you both agreed to take a break? What if you decide you want to get back together or chuck up the deuces forever? What do you want? Do you want a lasting relationship? Then you have to deal with the issues that drove you apart in the first place. Because what ever drove you apart has probably not been addressed. If your partner is a cheater, taking a break is not going to change that. If your partner is a poor communicator, taking a break is not going to change that. What may help is if you decided that during the break, you are going to work on XYZ. If you truly want to be single, then you need some tools friends, hobbies, activities, etc. You is free now. Featured image is courtesy of. Sometimes we get so caught up telling ourselves that we are worthy and deserving that we forget to treat others with humility. Remember that she is also worthy and deserving of being treated with care and kindness. It is the most uncomfortable situation to tell someone you want a monogamous relationship and then turn around and date multiple persons or cheat. Be honest with yourself first and, show up the way you want others to show up around you. Show your humility by showing your gratitude. Then privately she told me she just thought we were together anyway. I had to sit down and discuss it with her. You both get hurt, and no one wants to carry the burden or blame. Get familiar with what she may like, dislike and even allergies. Do not make decisions for her, present her with choices and then choose together. If you ask her out, you should pay. Do not ask someone out and take the liberty of setting up the reservations at your restaurant of choice and wait until after the meal to go dutch. There is nothing wrong with going dutch, but give the person you asked out that option ahead of time. Also, do not suggest she take you out and even go as far as asking her to pay. Talk about déclassé; this is preposterous. If you cannot afford to treat her to a date, then invite her to go for a walk or do coffee or something that meets your budget! If you ask why not, you are getting the mother look right now. If you date each other secretly, it will eventually come out and tarnish your reputation and the influence you have with the people who matter. Rushing will get you nowhere good. The good takes time. If you feel you are for each other, then there is no need to rush anything more. I made that mistake once. That got me nowhere I needed to be. I ended up resenting her. You may end up saving more than time; you may save a friendship and lots of hurt. If you date someone because she is miss congeniality, has some flashy status or is something superficial, be prepared to have all kinds of drama. Date someone because you genuinely like her and because you are both deserving of each other. But be careful how much information you share about her. I felt hurt, but I never once felt ashamed because I was just sharing what I went through. While you all have moved on from whatever situation, they will probably never forgive or forget. I had someone tell me countless times she loved me and how she often saw me as her wife. When it was time for us to get together, I chose to remain in denial. I wanted badly to believe her. Try that at first. Do not date her if you do not want to. Do not date her if you feel your intuition kick in with a fat NO. In conclusion, date from a place of love! Show up as the person you are willing to date. Be kind to one-another and be most kind to yourself. What happens matters, but how we deal with what happens matters more. Featured photo is of of Cammi and Kimi who celebrate their second anniversary this week on August 29, 2017. Camyrnn also runs a clothing company called. Written by Sasha Thompson I am 32 years old and up until May of 2015 I would have considered myself a straight woman. I do have to admit that I have always been able to appreciate women, and all of their gloriousness. I mean the better version the confident me, the happier me, the traveling me, the comfortable with myself me. And I would have never thought that I would so effortlessly fall completely in love with a woman. I Was Damaged, Then She Came Along Falling in love with a woman was completely unexpected for Sasha. When she and I met, the last relationship I was in was with my ex-husband and I was damaged! My ex and I had been together for about 13 years—all of my adult life. We had gone through a messy separation dealing with all of the insecurities he forced upon me, and YEARS of infidelity. So I decided to take some time for me, to get Sasha back where she needs to be so that when the time was right I could offer myself to someone wholeheartedly. In my mind I was preparing myself for a man. I am a believer in Christ, and I believe that he had something unexpected in his plans. In early May I met Shawnie. It was NOT supposed to be what it turned into, she was NOT supposed to come into my life like whirlwind and sweep me totally and completely off my feet. She sent me a message, and it was so straight forward and blunt. It was so real and raw! The crazy thing is any other time I would have been like, Oh no! But she caught me off guard and was refreshing and real. For starters, she is amazingly beautiful to me. She was so intellectually stimulating. She was funny; we are both very into writing, she was kind and attentive. Even before we met face to face, I felt this intense attraction to everything that was her! She not only stimulated my physical but also my mental. It was NOT supposed to be what it turned into; she was NOT supposed to come into my life like a whirlwind and sweep me totally and completely off my feet. God Prepared Me For My Destiny She brought this completely different person out of me! What I thought I was preparing in myself for went straight out the window. She and I developed together with in our relationship. Every chance I get I thank the Lord for placing her so strategically in my life. Had she come any earlier I would have not been ready and I would have missed out on what I believe is my destiny! I know there are a lot of gay women that despise dating a straight or bisexual women because they say they are wishy-washy and they are liable to revert back to a man. The intimacy that she and I have is like NOTHING what I have ever experienced before. She gives me so much pleasure that it excretes from my pores! Yes, it is that serious. Written by Dinea C. We became close friends that very day and spoke every day after that one. We were both in college at Delaware State University, living in the same dorm, on the same floor and in the same wing. Our First Date For Dinea, love was immediate. Little did we know that when we went on our first date—dinner and a tour of Longwood Gardens in Pennsylvania to see their holiday display—that it was the beginning of an eight-year-love affair. I requested she dress nicely and accompany me out for the evening. The holiday display is always so gorgeous and romantic. Chanel loved me for who I am, not who I was gonna be. She still accepted me, repped me, respected me, complimented me, made love to me and uplifted me. I would ask her, are you sure? What about fat jokes? Can you deal with people jeering at the love of your life constantly? How is 320 pounds of sexy not too much for you? It was such a beautiful and needed lesson. To anyone on a weight loss journey, you can do it, but be sure to do it for yourself. The people that are really for you are going to stand behind you at any size. Our Wedding Day Dinea playfully bites her wife, Chanel. We made it official on May 13, 2009 and got married three years later. Marriage was imperative for us because we wanted our family to have equal rights and protection under the law and we aspire to raise children who have two parents in their home that are in love and supporting one another every day. We both come from divorced homes, we wanted to take a real whack at doing better than the examples set for us. I married Chanel in a DSU sweatshirt! We went to the courthouse with only our two best friends and our two God babies in tow and got it done. Four days later, we had a wedding dinner to celebrate with our families, but the most memorable part of the day that we exchanged vows was returning home from the courthouse to see Barack Obama on TV making history by affirming his support for marriage equality and the LGBT community. It was so moving, almost like our president was giving us his blessing personally. Seems like the ones that were the most difficult involved other people. Certain members of both of our families made it difficult for us to stay in a state of bliss and caused us to question our compatibility. We made the mistake of letting it come between us initially but ultimately learned that the feelings of no one else, kin or otherwise could ever matter more than how we felt about each other. We got past those hardships by committing ourselves to always putting each other first. I now reside in Birmingham, Alabama, with my girlfriend, Elise. On the stud spectrum I call myself a stud because when I came out that was the only term around to describe a dominant lesbian of color. My preference would be to date someone who is dominant but also feminine. It really turns me off that when I dated femmes I was the unable to express myself as a woman. A lot of femmes not all think that because you dress like a man and have masculine ways, that that means you want to be a man. I had to play hard core and pretend to be unemotional all the while I was actually dying inside. The pressure to be hard core and gangsta was just too overwhelming. I was 14 at the time and I thought because she was a girl and I was a girl and we both liked girls, that that meant we could be together. A stud dated a femme. To date another stud was nasty. I took her words to heart, and buried my attraction to studs deep down and continued doing what was deemed right in the lesbian community. I fought the hell out of it. How I Met My Love I met my girlfriend, Elise, in a stud for stud group on Facebook. Considering how taboo it is, I feel like that was the only safe, non judgemental zones for us. The one thing I love and admire about Elise is the fact that she stands by everything she says and does. She is steadfast in her beliefs, and I really admire that about her. Protective but subtle about it. She is so hard working, almost to the point of being a workaholic. Who is Strapping Who? The same things I found attractive in a femme, are the same things I find attractive about a stud. Her cologne, the softness of her body, her ability to submit as well as dominate in every aspect of our relationship. It is very difficult because a lot of studs see S4S as nasty, gay and weird. The thought of dating another stud is met with ridicule and disbelief. Like who strapping who? I think we have become programmed to think a stud should be with a femme and vice versa. There is the possibility that while in public a stud and a femme could be mistaken for boyfriend and girlfriend. There is a chance that femme-stud couples could pass for normal, non threatening and not to draw undue attention. I think the black lesbian community is afraid of the scrutiny that would come from the heterosexual community if S4S became the norm. My best friend gave is still giving me the hardest time over my decision to date another stud. They were literally in a state of shock and disbelief. Although Elise and I have a lot of work to do on ourselves as well as in our careers, I do believe this is the woman I will build a future with. At the end of the day we love each other and show appreciation for one another. The models in the image are Tyller McGraw Ty Padmore and her fianceé, Loyalties Williams. Written by Talisa Smith-Justice It has to be fate that brought me and my fianceé, Kris, together. As I was debating whether or not to attend, Kris was at home set on not going, but after a last minute change of heart she decided to show up. Our First Date Talisa and Kris dress up for date night. Kris was definitely the one to ask me out. On our first date we went to the movies, then afterwards Kris took me on a walk to The Brooklyn Bridge Park, overlooking the New York City skyline. I Knew She Was The One … Kris and Talisa enjoy nature together. As I got to know the real Kris, her outgoing personality and kind heart is what truly attracts me to her. As cliche as this might sound, I knew Kris was the one from the moment I laid eyes on her. It was no longer just about me, it was all about us. What I Love About Her Kris and Talisa take their dog out for a walk. I love her passion for animals. I love that she has my back no matter what. I love that she is able to understand me, every part of me. Kris: I love everything about Talisa … literally. She has found a way to awaken a part of my heart that has never been touched. I feel like before her I never knew what love was, like when we met my whole life restarted. She understands me in every shape and form. She comforts me when need be and her simple touch makes me feel like a million bucks. How We Deal With Challenges Talisa and Kris share a laugh during their engagement at the Brooklyn Museum. Maybe because of our astrological signs, we do bump heads quite often. Kris is a Taurus so her stubbornness can be difficult to deal with at times. As for me, a Libra, I just want to keep the peace as much as possible, but her stubbornness can really push me. Usually, when we do have those moments of disagreements, we tend to cuddle in bed and talk it out until we come to a mutual understanding. The Proposal Kris and I have been together for two years now. Our anniversary is August 10th. When Kris proposed on June 3, 2017 at the Brooklyn Museum our favorite date spot , she made sure to do it at exactly 8:10 p. She was planning our engagement with our friends and family for months without my knowledge. So it was a complete shock to see all of our friends and family and the proposal itself of course. I happily and excitedly said, yes!!! We are planning to get married in Fall 2019. Yes I said kindergarten. I have ALWAYS been attracted to the same sex. So this is not a phase. This has been ME. I knew this BEFORE I was molested at 8. I Knew Who I was Before I was Raped I knew this BEFORE I was raped. I know all of the scriptures. Where were you when I was getting hit upside my head and kicked out half naked in a hail storm by a man who claimed to love me? I Knew Who I was When I was Married to a Man Where were you when I cried in the shower after sleeping with my husband because I felt violated every damn time? Where were you when I tried to commit suicide because I was preaching in churches trying to encourage women to fly like an eagle and I knew I was living a lie. Not even being my own authentic self but trying to encourage broken women to do so! My son told me Moma you should have done this a long time ago. So listen and listen good. I know who GOD IS, I talk to him DAILY! So pray for yourself in your unhappy ass marriage. Pray for your kids with they bad ass cause me and my house are just fine. Turner is an author and poet. Check out her autobiography on her website:. The days are shorter and colder making it harder for us to leave the house unless we absolutely must. Pariah The film centers on Alike, a teenager who struggles to hide her identity as a lesbian from her family, while dealing with school, first loves and friendships. If you and bae both want to be in your feelings and settle into a round of cuddling, then this is the film for you. The movie is about trans, sex workers Sin-Dee Rella and Alexandra, who wind up spending a Christmas Eve on the streets of Los Angeles. The film is currently available on Netflix. This is a great film to lighten the mood. When Night Is Falling The 1995 romantic drama is focused on Camilla, an uptight religion professor who literally runs off to join the circus with her secret lover, Petra. The film is rated sizzling for interracial sexy times. Bessie The HBO biopic won the 2015 Prime Time Emmy Award for Outstanding Television Movie and includes an all-star cast of black actors and actresses. Pariah director, Dee Rees also helmed this project in which Queen Latifah stars as the 1920s bisexual blues singer Bessie Smith. You have to log into HBO Go to stream this one. Jaime is a film student who runs a blog where she documents female LGBTQIA characters in cinema and TV. Written by Zamara Perri Eleven years ago, DL Williams prayed that God would send her someone who would love and respect her. When she met Sharice, the woman who would eventually become her wife, DL discovered that Sharice had prayed that same prayer! Today Sharice continues to be every bit of the woman DL prayed for. What I love the most is, she loves me and all of my craziness. Sharice is an alum of Grambling State University and DL attended the University of Arkansas-Pine Bluff. Sharice and DL smile for the camera in this black and white photo. DL wanted to be married before she turned 30, but she also immediately knew Sharice was the one. I knew the voice on the other end of the phone had to be my wife. After being together for a couple of years, Sharice proposed to DL in 2007. Both say their wedding day was one of their best memories together. They say they have no choice but to make it work on one income. DL takes care of home and makes sure the kids and house are taken care of, and I work outside the home. We talked about this when we first started dating, and because of my job, it is important to me that someone is home when the kids go to school and when they come home. I love her, and no matter what obstacle God places in our life, we face it together. I was already ahead of her, I had called the amusement parks to check on scooters and had put that in our budget. You do what you have to do when you love someone. We had a terrific time. We extend our deepest condolences to DL, their children, other family members and friends. Timobe and Liza share a selfie and pics of their wedding bands. Written by Tiombe Caldwell-Burns I met my wife, Liza, at a restaurant 10 years ago. A few weeks later, she messaged me on an online dating site and we started talking. From there, we became best friends, and from best friends we became lovers. Butterflies on the First Date Tiombe and Liza say romance is the key to a lasting relationship. I can honestly say I fell in love with Liza on our first date. She was so shocked when I told her that. And if you have been to Navy Pier, you will know it gets really crowded. Liza grabbed my hand and moved me out of the way. When she grabbed my hand, I looked into her eyes and bam! There were butterflies in my stomach! I had never felt this way before. She is the only woman I had ever connected with almost instantly. Tiombe and Liza kiss their daughter, Gabby, on their wedding day. Liza proposed to me on our anniversary April 3, 2013. We got married a year later on April 29, shortly after they approved same-sex marriage in Illinois. The best part of our wedding day was the first kiss we had after we were married. It felt like 6 billion fireworks went off inside my tummy. We have a wonderful, 16-year-old daughter, Gabby; a puppy named, Insta and a cat named, Pip. Everything is always so much better with her. Secrets to a Lasting Black Lesbian Relationship From their first date to their 10th anniversary, Liza and Tiombe knew the love was real! Our secret to a long lasting relationship is communication, understanding, love and romance. I think communication is especially important because in relationships we get comfortable and start expecting our spouses to read our minds. So keeping open communication will save you lots of arguments and fights. There will be very bad days and sometimes you will have to hold each other without speaking words to get through those times. Sometimes your relationship may lose its spark, so you have to keep that romance and love fire going and be spontaneous. Treat your spouse like the gift they are! Celebrating 10 Years Together Congrats to the happy couple! Every day I get to spend my life with a insanely beautiful, crazy funny, hella sexy woman. Everyday is not blissful but the laughter after arguments is always worth it. She motivates me to become my best self and accepts me and loves my daughter unconditionally! And I know you do too. I know you do because, like me, you love to read love stories, get excited to share wedding pics and once believed that love was the answer to everything. Well, wake up buttercup. Love is beautiful, but it is not the answer when you build on a weak foundation. There is a Divorce Every 36 Seconds Even though divorce has been dropping, according to the U. And those are just the statistics for legal marriages. There is Nothing Wrong With You In the United States, in particular, there is an obsession with falling and staying in love. Married people are often seen as better than single people. But You Do Need Skills The infatuation stage is fueled by chemicals, obsession and the newness of a connection. That stage lasts about 6 to 9 months. After that, a couple who truly wants to make it work needs to develop some critical skills communication, commitment, planning, etc. And even the couples with the best of intentions and who have mastered these skills, sometimes realize that the relationship is just not going to work. And yet we shame people for not making it work and reward people for remaining in troubled relationships. Even though same-sex marriage is legalized for now , queer people are more likely to embrace unconventional relationships that may or may not include a poly lifestyle, monogamish relationships or those who are committed but intentionally living apart. And any, all or none of those combinations are okay. No One Owes You a Happily Ever After Even though marriage is declining in the heterosexual community, queers seem to love weddings. In the lesbian community, in particular, we seem to be enamored with the idea of people staying together forever. Their hordes of fans were so disappointed when they broke up and started attacking one of them. That was definitely not cool. No couple in the public eye owes you a relationship period. Photo by Leighann Renee We idolize couples in love. We went crazy when we saw that one of the main characters in a superhero show on the CW, Black Lightning, was a lesbian with a black girlfriend. But the reality is that not all relationships last. For some reason or another, it will come to an end. And I know you have too. There is no wrong age to be single. Stop buying into the hetero fairytale that tells you that you will live happily ever after when your princess in shining armor comes along. That only promotes the disturbing save-a-hoe complex that can cause power imbalances and abuses in relationships. Plus, it only addresses the beginning stages of the relationship, not the work it takes to maintain it. Life is all about transforming, growing, knowing, loving and accepting yourself. People are living longer and have more financial options. That means they do not have to be tied to unsafe or unfulfilling marriage or long-term relationships unless they choose to. Some people are there only to join us on the journey for a short period of time.

A relationship with a narcissist usually unfolds in three back lesbian First, comes the love bombing stage. I listened and supportively chimed in. Of solo, we do. Eventually, my ex disappeared, and I never heard from her again. I was 14 at the time and I thought because she was a girl and I was a girl and we both liked girls, that that meant we could be together. So listen and listen social. Then we will head to the District Winery for a light wine tasting. As I was debating whether or not to attend, Kris was at home set on not going, but after a last minute change of heart she decided to show up. The effects of the solo quickly faded. You will never see ads again. Maybe I should just not date altogether. Everything is always so much better with her.