How to stand up to bullies in the workplace

Avoid providing fuel for their fire in any way possible. You might want to scream at them at times, but by biting your tongue and not flinching when they try to get a response, you will starve them of the drama they feed off.

Just focus on yourself. I don't care anymore what anyone thinks about me. The come back and we will work it out is all hoovering. Cocaine addicts have an easier time navigating through a day than narcissists do since all they need is a chemical fix.

How to stand up to bullies in the workplace - He took my keys and registration when he went to work I lost my friends and my family had no idea what I was going through. I was demeaned and physically hurt.

There is a narcissist in your life. There is a narcissist in your life and you have little choice but to interact with them. Are you doomed to live the rest of your life as a pawn in their never-ending game? Do you have to endure their abuse? Will they always have a hold over you? The narcissist may be in your life, but they do NOT have to be in your head. It is known as the Gray Rock Method. The basic idea is that you embody all the thrill and excitement of exactly that: a gray rock. The type of rock that remains ignored and unnoticed as you walk on by. Who Should Use The Gray Rock Method? The most effective way to is to go no contact. Cut them out for good and prevent any form of contact whatsoever. Change your number, your email, block them on social media, and even move home if you have to. Your narcissist is an actor; one who and plays many roles. The people in their life — including YOU — are the supporting cast in their own, personal soap opera. Every scene in this live action soap opera must keep the narcissist interested and engaged. They will write the storylines and direct the other actors via manipulation and coercion so that they are thoroughly entertained. They will ensure that they — the star of the show — receive their fix of attention, adoration, or praise from the other characters. Whether you play a big role such as a partner or family member, or a smaller part such as an occasional acquaintance, adopting the Gray Rock method is an effective way to get yourself written out of the series altogether. Just imagine watching a scene from a show or film in which one character gives nothing in the way of emotion or interesting dialogue. How boring would that be? Well, the narcissist is the same. They want Oscar-winning performances while your scenes end up on the cutting room floor. Eventually, they will feel the need to turn you into nothing more than an extra; someone who flits in and out of the background with barely a speaking part at all. This is just another way to frame the concept of narcissistic supply. To relate this to our soap opera analogy: a narcissist wants you to be a character who brings drama and excitement into their life, and if you continue to play this role, they will continue to write storylines for you. How Do You Go Gray Rock? In this case, you are the stone or rock and the blood is any behavior that provides the narcissist with the supply they crave. Keep dialogue to an absolute minimum. Stay in the car when you drop your kids off at their house. Sit at the other end of the table for family meals. Ask to move desk away from them at work. Avoid interacting with them as much as possible. When you do have to talk to them, stick to tedious subjects like the weather. Never talk about your personal life, even the smallest details. They will hook their claws into any morsel of information you provide and use it to try and further the conversation and extract narcissistic supply from you. They want to know what you value in your life now. Never tell them how well you are doing as much as it might please you to rub their noses in it. Remember, they are driven by their egos, and any suggestion that you are better off without them or that they are in some way inferior to you will be seen as an affront to their identity. They see themselves as above everyone else in every regard, and if you imply that you are doing better than they are, it will enrage them. Do not ask them questions. Even if it seems like harmless small talk, as soon as you engage with them and ask them about their life, it gives them the green light to reel off a list of their recent accomplishments whether true or fabricated to belittle you. Try to stick to facts wherever possible. We have 5 new clients this month. Statements that the narcissist will struggle to challenge because they are not subject to interpretation. The last thing you want to do is get into a debate with them. Avoid mention of the past at all costs. By bringing up your history, you risk the resurfacing of old wounds and arguments. Any attempt to apportion some of the blame on them will only be met with denial, defensiveness, and attacks on you. The Gray Rock Method is not always easy, but it is often effective. You might want to scream at them at times, but by biting your tongue and not flinching when they try to get a response, you will starve them of the drama they feed off. Rather than go without it which is simply not an option for them , a narcissist will look elsewhere for a new source of supply. If the narcissist is an ex-partner, try to appear as plain as possible when you have to see them. Narcissists have a very superficial eye, so by making yourself less physically attractive, you will fly under their radar more easily. If they comment on how bad you look, let it go in one ear and out the other. Create new social profiles if you can, but be aware that they might still be able to find you again. Avoid extravagance in any form that they might see. Go for a basic model of car, avoid jewelry, buy a modest house if they should ever be required to visit. It can seem like you are restricting your life for their benefit, and in some ways this is true, but remember that no car or house or other luxury will make you happy in the long run, especially if it riles up the narcissist you have no choice but to deal with. Having a life as free from them as possible will bring you the most peace and happiness, so do whatever it takes to make this a reality. What To Expect From The Narcissist When you employ the Gray Rock Method with a narcissist, you can expect them to react to it. They may not know precisely what you are doing and you should NEVER tell them that you are taking this approach , but they will sense a change in your behavior toward them. One common response is anger because it is something they have no doubt used countless times against you in the past. They may shout and they may act in a threatening way, but you must try to remain cool, calm, and composed in the face of their rage. Alternatively, they may belittle you for staying silent or offering little in the way of a reaction. Sadly, a narcissist is not shy when it comes to using others against you. In an attempt to draw you back into a confrontation, they may involve your children, your friends, your family, or your fellow colleagues. They will lie and fabricate stories about you, try to turn others against you, get others to do bully you, or threaten those you care about unless you comply with their wishes. Always put your safety and the safety of those you care about first. If the threats seem genuine, seek the protection and guidance of the police, the courts, and the social authorities. Other times, when you know the threats are nothing but words, you should hold your ground, remain steadfast in your Gray Rock approach, and wait for them to get bored. If you can sustain your nonreactive stance, you will notice a shift in the narcissist. They may still try to push your buttons, but they will do so less and less often as they get tired of the playing the game. One thing you should never expect from a narcissist is remorse. No matter how much hurt they caused you and however harrowing your ordeal, they will accept precisely zero blame or responsibility for it. The Dangers Of Going Gray Rock While it is an effective means of dealing with a narcissist when going no contact is simply not an option, the Gray Rock Method does have one or two downsides. Firstly, you might try to use it in the wrong circumstances. When it IS possible to go no contact with a narcissist, you must always take this option. You might be tempted to simply use the Gray Rock approach rather than go through all the hassle of cutting them out once and for all, but this is not advisable. Yes, you may still have feelings for them. Yes, you might hold out hope that they can change. Yes, it does require some upheaval and effort to ensure your paths never again cross. None of these things should be used as excuses for going Gray Rock when you have the option to go no contact. If you have unnecessary interactions with a narcissist, then you leave yourself open to the risk of falling back into their trap. As good as you may think you are at being nonreactive to them, it only takes one slip-up and you can soon find yourself in the unwelcome situation you tried to escape from. The second danger of using this approach is that you let it creep into other parts of your life and other relationships. You may start using with friends or new partners, you may experience a growing sense of indifference toward the wider world, and you may lose interest in all the things you once had a passion for. You can also lose the ability to empathize with others as you numb yourself to any emotion, fearing it leaves you vulnerable to manipulation. You have to remember that it is ok — even advisable — to be open and honest with other people, and to let your guard down and trust again. The Gray Rock Method can be a very effective way to handle a narcissist who you have to still interact with on a regular basis. Check out this online course designed to help someone heal from narcissistic abuse. Are you having to deal with a narcissist due to unavoidable circumstances? Have you tried the method described above? How is it working for you? Leave a comment below to share your experiences with other people who are in the same boat. This page contains affiliate links. 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Narcissists are typically liars, and not only that, they are con good liars. I don't have a problem confronting her. I worked on my strengths so I could tolerate her shortcomings. Your words rang true for me but with two sisters, one in particular is in my opinion just evil and controls the other as well as now heaps of other jesus members. However, be warned: they will strike back in some blatant way when the opportunity arises. How do they get emotionally close if they don't have emotions. Tryingto leave in a hurry without any planning rarely works. I hope you have or are moving on with your own u. A huge relief as I was wondering what I did wrong and how he could treat me as he did. If you are strong enough to cope with this treatment, then go ahead and use the strategies below to confront him or her. So in the face of a between, stay calm, respond with a calm yet strong voice and do not yell no matter how much he might be. I am an Empath so my life has been hell with her.