Escaping the Friend Zone

Really, it is, you better move on. The reason men or women get resentful and complain about being friendzoned is often not always, but often because the friendzoner has been deriving some kind of egoistic benefit and enjoyment from being the object of the friend's desires, and the friend knows this and feels cheated. Sometimes a rug is just a rug.

Listen to it next time. The nicest thing I own is the first thing you see when you walk into my house: a red handmade rug bought in Tehran, haggled over in Farsi and delivered, in person, to the Brooklyn apartment of the man who would become my husband. Also, others might wrongfully advise that the man should do all the work, while it is a woman's right to simply observe and judge.

Escaping the Friend Zone - Next we hiked Bear Mountain. Rug Woman never tried to win him back.

At some point in our lives, every woman has been stuck in the Friend Zone—no matter if she has stunning looks, a rockin' bod or A-list popularity status. You know, that one guy friend who flirt-texts with you all the time, but when you're hanging out, won't shut up about other girls. Or maybe it's the work friend who makes lunch breaks the highlight of your day, but doesn't ever bring up making plans after work. But don't worry—contrary to popular belief, you can break out... Define how your friend sees you. Your friend does not see you as a girlfriend candidate, or you wouldn't be in this situation. So how do they see you? It could be a little sister, therapist, parent, back-up-plan, etc. Think about the dynamic between you. Do they pick on you, like they would a sibling? Are they always seeking comfort or a shoulder to cry on? Are they looking for support like a parent would give? Figure out this dynamic, then try to change it. Don't always be the shoulder. Don't act like a little sister. Be wary of always giving advice. When you stop fulfilling that role in their life, they'll begin to be able to see you in a more dateable role: a possible girlfriend. Tell him or her your feelings. They might not be aware that you are attracted to them and want to date them. It's scary, but you can do it. Do you feel the same way about me? Make sure you're both sober and in a quiet, private place. Distance yourself from your friend. This is going to be challenging, especially if you're very close to this person and have become dependent on them. But you can do it. You are a strong, independent woman who doesn't need to rely on this person to live her life. They won't forget about you, they'll just miss you more. That's what this step will ideally accomplish: your friend will realize that having you out of the picture sucks, and they need to stop taking you for granted. Use this distance to start making yourself more of a well-rounded individual. Meet people and make other friends. Take a cooking or karate or sewing or rock-climbing class—whatever you want to try out. Sign up for a gym membership and actually go. Read in the park. Actually do those things, and hopefully, you'll be having so much fun, you won't be thinking about them at all! Have you worn the same hair and clothes for the last seven years? Maybe it's time for a makeover. Don't be afraid to change! Take this time to create a new look for yourself. Try a different hair color or cut. Save up for a shopping spree because who doesn't like to splurge on cute clothes? Surprises are exciting; when you do see your friend again, they'll see the new you and wonder what else you're capable of. Angry, sad, pessimistic—do these traits sound attractive to you? Well, they're not attractive to your friend, either. A physical makeover isn't going to do the trick if you have a poisonous personality—nobody wants to be with someone like that. Try identifying behaviors that are negative, and work to eliminate them. Finding it hard to fake happiness? Start small: just smile more. Science has proven that the action, whether it's a real smile or not, releases chemicals in your brain that make you happier. Also, get more sunlight, this also increases the amount of endorphins in your brain. Breathe deep, eat healthy, exercise more and be kind to friends and strangers alike. Once you start radiating positive energy inside and out, people your friend included are going to be naturally drawn to you. If they don't recoil or lean back, that shows they didn't mind your touching them. Make sure you have confidence before you tell them your feelings; don't get scared at the last moment and back out. Make sure you're alone and in a quiet place, and just be truthful about how you feel. If you follow all these steps and your friend still doesn't want to be with you, then move on. He or she is not worth your time or energy. And hopefully, after completing the steps, you'll feel removed enough from the initial situation that moving on for an independent, cool girl like you will be a piece of cake.

We wipe our feet on the pan before crossing the threshold, food is banned from the entryway, and I vacuum it with care. And if it comes to holding hands, who should be the one to initiate that. Since we have last seen each other as friends 3 years ago I have lost 30 lbs and servile my self confidence I did not have back in high school and he has noticed but more in a hot and cold aspect since he is dating around. Don't blame yourself if the friendship ends. In the meantime, we emailed every day. Not by being sincere or pushy, but by looking in his eyes when he shares something with you. After a escaping the friend zone of having some of those feelings I was going to tell him just to get it out there.